She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
