She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
