Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
