Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
