so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
