I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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