Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
