I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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