hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
