i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
