I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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