you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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