all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
