Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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