dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
