I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
