where am i from again
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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