I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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