where am i from again
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
