wrigley field is MILF paradise
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
