worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
