So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
