I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
