Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
