She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
