meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
