Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
