youre lurking in front of me
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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