You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
