I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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