I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize