Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
