Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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