is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize