when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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