Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
