i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
how does that bad decision feel?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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