Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
