His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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