Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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