John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
