I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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