I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
