ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize