it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
