Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
