is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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