ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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