I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
