i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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