"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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