yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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