I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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