If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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