She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The Olympian is in my bed
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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