theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
