He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize