I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
why didn't you poke me back
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
