hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My feet surprised me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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