You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Welp...herpes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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