I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
