I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
