i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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