ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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