i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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