dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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