I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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