Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
