Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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