how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
