She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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