In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
