I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
