I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
