I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
