I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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