there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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