apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
