you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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